Pregnancy & Infant Loss Resources ♡

Losing a baby is one of the most painful experiences one can go through. If you are here because of your own personal loss, please know that I am sending you so many virtual hugs. I want to be here to support you. My name is Jeni. I am the founder, owner, and Doula behind Mingo Maternal Support. I was 15.5 weeks pregnant when I lost my daughter due to an abusive situation. There is nothing in the world that can prepare you for the loss of a child, no matter the age. Families and individuals who feel supported during their grief journey are less likely to experience complicated grief or mental health issues. I hope that I can support you and walk alongside you as you navigate this difficult road ahead. And if I can't help you physically, I hope that I can give you the resources and tools that you need to move through this. When we feel supported, we feel stronger and more capable to continue on.

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"You are not alone in this. Even if it feels like the world has moved on, your baby's memory matters, and so does your grief."

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What is a Bereavement Doula?

Bereavement Doulas are specially trained to provide physical and emotional support to families and individuals that are experiencing miscarriage or stillbirth. They are also a great source of informational support. A Bereavement Doula can provide support, comfort, and compassionate care in so many different ways;

• accompanying you to appointments

• assisting with the birth

• help advocate for you and your family in the medical setting

• taking photos

  • even if you do not want to have the photos right away, a Bereavement Doula can capture them and keep them safe until you do

• helping you create memories and keepsakes

• provide lactation support

• provide postpartum support

• helping with funeral or prayer service arrangements

• provide grief resources

• support you in the days and weeks after your loss

• support grieving partners (if there is one)

• supporting siblings through the loss

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Link Disclaimer: I am not affiliated any links other than the ones linked to my own website. I receive zero profit from you purchasing anything from any of my links except the ones from my own shop.

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The Birth

No one expects to have to face the death of their child and then go through labor and delivery knowing that their baby did not make it. Baby loss is often unexpected and not planned for. Despite the awful circumstances though, you CAN still have a say in parts of the birthing process. Labor in which the baby cannot help in delivery is often longer than other births. Stress, worry, and fear all make every birth more difficult. Having a calm environment, changing positions, and focusing on giving birth can help lower stress levels.

• stillBirthday will allow you explore ways in which you can make any birth method meaningful and honor the life of your baby

Saying Hello & Goodbye

After your baby is born you will be faced with so many decisions to make. Some of these decisions include;

• Do you want to see and/or hold your baby?

• Do you want photographs of and/or with your baby?

• Will you choose burial or cremation?

• Do you want family members to meet the baby?

• Do you want any keepsakes made?

It often feels extremely overwhelming to have to make these decisions while you are in an utter state of shock trying to process and grieve everything that is happening. You should make decisions based on what YOU are comfortable with. It is 100% natural to feel overwhelmed by the thought of having to say goodbye so soon after meeting him or her. In my experience, try not to overlooking the MEETING part. This is still a special moment despite it not being as you expected.

Most families choose to see their baby. They want to hold them, spend time with them, take photos of and/or with them after they are born, make keepsakes. But there are some who feel that is would be too traumatic to see their baby. And that is understandable! Please do not think that that makes you a bad parent or anything of the sort, it DOES NOT. It is 100% YOUR personal decision to make. But, I do want to encourage you to remember that this will be the only chance you have to see and/or hold your baby. If you do feel that it would be too traumatic or painful to see your baby, maybe have someone else take photos of your baby for you. These photos can be stored away in a secure, special place so that they are available in the future if you do decide that you want them. Studies have shown that seeing your baby, whether it be right away or later on, is an important part in the grieving and healing process. Parents who choose not to see their baby, can be at a higher risk for postpartum mood disorders, trauma, and a delayed healing process.

Some hospitals have CuddleCots available. CuddleCots cool to an ideal temperature for preserving baby without being too cold for the parents. They allow you to spend precious time with your baby. These precious moments are when every minute counts.

Photo Resources

The photos taken of your baby will likely become your most treasured possession. Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep is a national organization that provides "the gift of remembrance portraits to parents experiencing the death of a baby". You can also request digital retouching of the photos you have taken yourself. AngelPics is another resource for photo retouching. They can remove bruising, tubes, and other medical equipment your baby may have if that is something you are wanting.

Keepsakes

Keepsakes are such an important part of remembering and honoring your baby. They can play an important role in your grieving and healing process as well. Making a keepsake with your baby can be a truly special bonding moment that will help you feel close to him or her in the days/weeks/months/years afterwards.

Some keepsake ideas:

• their hospital bracelet

• the gown, hat, and/or blanket he or she used while in the hospital

• handprints, footprints, and/or thumbprints

  • can be done with ink, plaster, and/or a casting kit

• read and/or sing to your baby

• save a lock of their hair

• record your baby's name on a certificate and/or keepsake book

  • I offer a Certificate of Birth in my shop at no cost to you

    • Use code "CHLOE" for free shipping if you are ordering ONLY this

    • *note: this is not an official document, just a special keepsake

• memorial jewelry

  • can include their name, birthstone, photo, and/or ashes

I have some customizable keepsakes in my shop as well.

Honoring Your Baby & Celebrating Their Birthday

Having a farewell ceremony can be a meaningful way to honor your baby. There is no wrong way to do this. You could have a traditional funeral, a memorial service with just family and close friends, a small prayer service, or something with just you, the parents, and your baby.

Infants Remembered In Silence (IRIS) is a non-profit organization in southern Minnesota dedicated to offering support, education, and resources to parents and families on the death of a child. They also offer Burial Clothing in different sizes.

Some ways you might choose to honor your baby:

• plant a memorial garden or tree

• find your baby's birth verse

• make his or her name or birth verse into a special piece of art

• start a blog

  • even if it's private, it may help to get your feelings out in writing

• donate your breast milk

• dedicate a bench or star in their name

• participate in awareness events

• create a shadow box

• include their name in family traditions

  • ornament, stocking, etc

Some special ways to celebrate your baby's birthday;

• light a candle

• have a family picnic

• go to a bakery and ask if there is a birthday cake waiting for pickup and pay for it

  • you can even write a little note saying that you wanted to pay for it to honor your baby

• release biodegradable balloons or lanterns

• bake him or her a cake

There is no wrong way to honor your baby's memory or to celebrate (or not to celebrate) their birthday. Whether you have keepsakes, rituals, or just take some moments to quietly reflect, the only thing that matters is that your choice brings you comfort. Take your time. You don't have to start anything right away. Just remember, you are not alone.

Books

• Still: A Collection of Honest Artwork and Writings from the Heart of a Grieving Mother

• Ask Me His Name

• You Are Still a Mother

• It's OK That You're Not OK

• Empty Arms

• When Skies Are Gray; A Grieving Mother's Lullaby

• Still: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Motherhood

• An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination: A Memoir

• Unimaginable: Life After Baby Loss

• You Are Not Alone: Love Letters From Loss Mom to Loss Mom

• The Worst Girl Gang Ever

• At a Loss: Finding Your Way After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death

• Unexpecting: Real Talk on Pregnancy Loss

• Empty Cradle, Broken Heart

You can check out my Amazon list that I am always adding to as I find new books.

Facebook Groups & Other Online Support

Online Blogs:

• Still Standing

• Glow in the Woods

• The Evelyn James Blog

• Poems & Stories | Infants Remembered In Silence

Facebook Groups:

• Infants Remembered In Silence - Private Group

• Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death (MEND)

• Stillbirth and Infant Loss Support Group

• Grieving Parents Healing Hearts Child Loss

• Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

• Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness

• Pregnancy Loss, Stillbirth, Miscarriage & Infant Loss Support Group

Websites:

• Circle & Bloom | Free Guided Meditation for Healing After Miscarriage

• stillBirthday

• March of Dimes | Miscarriage, Loss, and Grief

• Infants Remembered In Silence | Faribault, MN

• Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death | MEND

• SANDS | UK

• Star Legacy Foundation

• Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

• Simba Charity | UK

Playlists:

• Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Pregnancy & Infant Loss (Baby Loss) | Spotify

Postpartum Mental Health

"Mothers who experience pregnancy and infant loss are at high risk of developing extreme postpartum depression. The risk of this depression is highest within the first six months after birth."

Postpartum mood disorders can take up to two years to appear. There is so much emotional trauma associated with losing a child. This trauma can impact every single area of life and will often lead to postpartum depression and/or post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Exercise, journaling, counseling, joining a support group, meditation, and in some instances medication, are some of the things that you can do to heal.

Still Unanswered, Always Remembered: The Powerful Legacy of Stillbirth by Ann Douglas

Check out my past blog post, Peri/Postnatal Mental Health Support - Contacts & Resources for a list of resources, including Emergency Hotlines.

If you have thoughts about hurting yourself or someone else, call 911 and go to your nearest emergency room IMMEDIATELY!

Phone Support & Crisis Hotlines

• First Candle offers phone support in English and Spanish

  • 800-221-7437

  • lori@firstcandle.org

• COPEline is peer based phone support

  • 516-364-COPE | 516-364-2673

  • leave a message if it's after hours and a volunteer will call you back

• SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) Hotline offers 24/7 support

  • 800-232-SIDS | 800-232-7437

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• Canada Crisis Line | 888-322-3019

• Canada Suicide Prevention Hotline | 877-435-7170

• Finley's Footprints offers Hope Coaching from the United Kingdom

• Befrienders offers Crisis Support and Suicide Prevention by country

You can also read my blog post, Peri/Postnatal Mental Heath Support for more details and crisis lines.

Miscellaneous Information

Star Legacy Foundation

• Certificate of Stillbirth

• Stillbirth Tax Information

• Minnesota Center for Stillbirth and Infant Death

For Dads

Books:

• Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back (Grieving Dads Series Book 01)

• From Father to Father: Letters from Loss Dad to Loss Dad

• He Lost His Baby Too: Survival Guide for the Grieving Dad (Grieving Dads Series Book 02)

• A Bereaved Father

• A Guide for Fathers: When a Baby Dies

Facebook Groups:

• Daddys with Angels. Familes with Angels. (International).

• Grieving Fathers

Websites:

• Grieving Dads

• Miscarriage Information For Men

For Siblings

Books:

• Soaring with Angels: A Sibling's Story of Infant Loss

• Some Babies Can't Stay

• My Brother Lives In Heaven

• Our Heaven Baby: a Book on Miscarriage and the Hope of Heaven

• There Was a Baby...

• My Sibling Still

• We Were Gonna Have a Baby, But We Had an Angel Instead

• Ethan's Butterflies

Websites:

• Children's Bereavement Center

• Star Legacy Foundation

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